Who Knows…

“We’ve control of little in this world.” – Redeeming Love

I’m wrestling to settle into the uncertainty of this time. Unlike in the past, I’ve started to loosen the reins over my life more and more but that doesn’t mean the questions don’t remain. Daily I am humbled by my musings of the events I thought I would experience this year.

I really believed that I would be in a serious relationship with someone in May, we are approaching the end of May and the only man knocking at my door is Jesus. Events I bought plane tickets for have been canceled as I anticipate more future event cancelations.

Everyone around me is gearing up to ride this pandemic wave for the long-haul. I thought I would be gearing up for some sort of vacation during June but it’s clear that I’d be lucky if the minimal restrictions we are facing as a result of this global crisis have been lifted by June.

I am here wondering,

well, what about my dreams God?

It seems almost useless to dream at times. Like all I can do is accept the bare minimums that each day allows, truly celebrating the small thing. Dating this year? Hah! I’d be lucky to start one new friendship. Visiting my friends in South America? Maybe next year….and that’s a big MAYBE.

I feel so confused and completely out of control. And the same question constantly floats about in my mind:

God what are you doing?

Who knows…

Photo: Art in Miami